These are the things life is made of. The ups. The downs. The smiles. The tears. The days that go smoothly. The days that bellyflop hard. It's how life flows.
Making a cross-country move was not a new process for me. I've lived in 10 states and have moved more times than I can keep track of. But, this move was one of the most challenging moves of my life. Support systems seemed to drop out from several angles...things shifted in nearly every quadrant of my life...things I held dear seemed to slip through my fingers...heaviness settled on me. Some days all I knew to do was to breathe in and out. So, with Mama all sideways, the house felt sideways. The children argued more. Tension filled the days. One child commented on feeling insecure. Another child struggled with fears. Many tears were shed.
One day soon, I will blog about the bootcamp God placed me into and about the testing of faith He has been walking me through. But for now, let me fast forward to the point where Mama got her game back on. It's true what they say, ya know. If Mama isn't happy, nobody is happy. And my heaviness was permeating the house. Then, after letting God work on me (think chisel, saw, hammer, utter pounding!), I began to walk into His promises and to rest in Him. And my step grew lighter. I began to start with little things that I had not done since we moved. And I mean little things (because I was in baby step mode)...like washing out the cookie jar and filling it up with store-bought cookies. I wasn't yet to the point of having energy or heart to bake yet, but I did take the small step of taking the cookies out of the package and putting them into a fun cookie jar. I bought some new candles and began to light them in the late afternoon. I organized a little table with some teapots and readied it to be dedicated to jigsaw-puzzles-in-process. Little things.
And within just a few days of my baby-stepping, T said to me, "Ya know...I'm not sure why, but this is finally starting to feel like home." This reminded me of just how priceless this job is. It is not merely about a mom's presence but her purposefulness at creating a place where everyone (including her) can thrive. It really is about all the little things.
Baby-stepping still continues as I nest here and settle in for this current season of my life. And homemade cookies once again made their debut.
And sprinkler-running boys were thrilled with the surprise of homemade cookies delivered to them outside. "WARM COOKIES??? OH, THANK YOU, MAMA!!!" Is there really anything that compares to gooey warm chocolate chip cookies?!
And life continues its flow with a variety of life happenings. Seems that we have signed up for all the new germs too. Our family RARELY gets sick...ever. But, since moving to Texas, we're on our third virus within 4 months! I guess we simply needed to be exposed to the new set of germs that are specific to our area. That and the fact that Mama needed more practice learning how to flow with whatever God brought into her day...like having our Sunday plans rerouted when this sweet preteen came down with the fever his sister had had a few days prior. Have you ever noticed how often Jesus was around sick people? He spent a tremendous amount of time loving the blind, the deaf, the lame, the sick. And so He gives me practice at loving as He loved.
And this means having a cabinet filled with natural "helps" to the healing process. My line of defense is always PRAYER and HERBS. Works every time! Oh, and a huge pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, which is requested by each sick person.
After a long day of tending my sick child and cleaning sick germs, I walked into my bedroom to find this sweet guy reading Psalm 23 aloud to himself. He has been struggling with some fears since we moved, and he has asked to fall asleep in our bed each night and to be taken to his bed after he's asleep. He simply needs more Mama time right now, so again, I flow with this interruption God has brought into my normal nightly routine. And I realize again and again that the "interruptions" are really life in process...moments to grab and cherish. And so, a couple of months ago, this child began curling up next to me with fears pressing down on him. We talked...I soothed...he fell asleep. But there was a deeper calling here. It is one thing for Mama to calm his fears. It is another thing for me to transfer his trust onto God. So, we began every night to open our Bibles and read. I would read verses that dealt with fear...training little by little how to trust God alone. We talked about depositing verses into our minds and hearts so that when fear comes knocking, we can drive a stake down into God's promises and simply rest in Him. At first, these were just words, but over the many weeks, he began to become a little warrior. He is starting to truly believe that God really is powerful enough to rest in fully, even when fears press in. He chose Psalm 23 to memorize. And so last night, I walked in to find this scene unfolding and the gentle words of David's Psalm filling the room...and a very content boy then slipping off to sleep without fear. And, one day soon, he will no doubt move back to his own bed and brave the fears with just God and himself.
This takes a very imperfect Mama being present and being purposeful and being able to flow with life's unexpected moments. It's this life lived out, simply following God into the next scene. It's listening to His words and banking everything on Him. It's quiet confidence in living this moment doing what He places before me. And it can come about in fair seas or turbulent times...with a human support system or without...on happy days or hurtful days. Because when we drive our stakes down deep into God's promises and rely fully on His character, it truly doesn't matter what our outer circumstances are. Peace flows from Him to me, and that same peace then flows out of me and into my family.
The next morning was a much more perky morning for our sick boy. Herbs and prayer work wonders, I tell you. And life continues to flow from moment to moment. Here's little lady awaiting her breakfast date with her Daddy. We have a tradition of Daddy taking each child to breakfast on their birthdays, but that schedule ran very late this year. Today, the Asian princess finally had her date. This was her waiting to leave. She had her purse filled with good stuff and her pretend cell phone on her ear. This girl is a hoot!
